I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
