thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude i'm inner monologue high
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
