I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
