You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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