I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
