please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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