you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
