My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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