I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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