How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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