I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
