In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
