what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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