I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
