She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
