It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
