Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
