Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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