well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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