You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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