I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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