I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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