he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
