# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
