If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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