I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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