This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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