I wish i was in the wii world.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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