I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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