my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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