Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
