I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
