I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
