I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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