I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
