I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Boobs speak an international language.
Your cock deserves a montage
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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