i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
