We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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