I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
