I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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