she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
