remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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