Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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