This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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