Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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