walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
