People in love make me want to vomit
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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