$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
