She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
