Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
